the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
