a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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