I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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