Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
