New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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