I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
