I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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