just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
