I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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