I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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