He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
