just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
