Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
