I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
