i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
