ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
