the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
