Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
