I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
