We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dear god my vagina.
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