Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
