I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
