How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
