So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
