After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
