just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
