worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
