He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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