so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
