If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pants are for mortals
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
