sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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