You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
