sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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