I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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