she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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