Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
