oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
