she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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