I accidentally burped into my bong.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
