Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
