i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
smell my finger.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
