well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i need some magic done to my vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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