Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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