stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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