Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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