Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
