16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
