Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
