Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
