Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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