she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
