I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
