Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
