Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
